I had a long talk with Jiayi today to iron out all the misunderstandings and discontentment that has built up over the years (it amplified during the 5 days in Hong Kong which made me feel that it's necessary to address these with her) and I've learnt one really important lesson.
Bitching doesn't really help.
To get information out of somebody, then yes, hearing to a person bitch may be rather useful (but then it would be loaded with emotions, so their rants may not be 100% accurate).
But when you bitch about someone, it doesn't help the relationship between you and the person. While you are bitching, you are so charged up with emotions that you start to make assumptions out of what the person has done that may seem logical at that point of time. As these assumptions pile up with no confirmation whether they are really true or not, you start to be convinced that the person is whom you have assumed and hostility further develops between the 2 of you. This widens the gap and sows further discord.
You may argue that bitching helps to relief your current frustration but if the result is a worsened relationship out of pre-conceived misunderstandings, would bitching still be beneficial?
After having a heart to heart talk (HTHT) with Jiayi, I realised that most of the things I've said about her are misunderstandings. She is a simple person while I tend to overthink, which causes me to mistake many of the intentions behind her actions. As I talked and listened, I slowly realised that all of her actions were sincere, with no motives behind them. I realised that my mindset about how humans often behave and act (usually due to a motive behind) has caused me to project all sorts of assumptions upon her, causing me to be unnecessarily cold towards her.
She doesn't blame me for it. She may be hurt during that period of time but her short term memory wipes it away, leaving no trace behind. Though often, I am astounded (in a negative manner) by how fast she can forget things, at such times like these, I'm really glad that she has the tendency to easily put things behind her no matter how horrid they are. It's as though she has forgiven me unknowingly by forgetting and I really am grateful.
Yesterday, as I was planning as to how to approach the topic with her, I imagined all kinds of reactions from her. The worst response would result in the end of our friendship (5 years and ongoing as she continuously emphasised during the trip, which irritated me a little but I believe she has already forgotten). Jonathan was bemoaning as he imagined the situation. He revealed that he has been trying to reconcile us for the past 2 years to be how we used to be in sec 2. To be frank, I was a little surprised since he always used to say that Jiayi has fell from her throne and would disappear from my life. I was indignant at first but as I allowed my misunderstandings and discontentment to build, I realised that what he said could really come to hold soon.
I was wrong. My assumption that she would react unfavourably and get offended. My assumption that she wouldn't listen. They were wrong. She took my words and listened. How she would behave from now onward, I am not entirely sure but at least I'm relieved that she really did listen to what I have to say and cleared up all the misunderstandings between us.
Sometimes, just a simple yet honest talk could possibly turn that thin thread of friendship into a thick, steel chain.
5 years of friendship and still counting... :)
Abigail
