A new beginning
It has been 2 years since I've blogged and I've forgotten what a pain in the ass Blogger can be about blogskins. Guess I have to stick with this for some time since they pick on the itty bitty details of the HTML.
Let's start with why I created this blog in between my prelim exams. Just a few months back, my lazy best friend finally cleared up with some of rubbish at home and she found her old wallet. In her old wallet, she found this slip of paper which I gave her 4 years ago when I was in secondary 1. It was the address to my blog that I wrote 4 years ago. Thank goodness she made the dumb move of whatsapping me a photo of that slip of paper before she went to check my blog and I rushed to private it. So up til now, she has never seen my embarrassing moments 4 years ago. As I read my old blogs, I couldn't help cringing at the language and the juvenile thoughts I had during those time. However, it was as though I have found my old favourite toy and inspired me to create another blog. And thus, I was inspired to create this blog that you are reading right now.
Now, back to the topic of this blog post. The brain is a never resting machine. And as a result, many people have the "think-too-much" syndrome. I believe I'm not the only one who has this bad habit. Of course, there is nothing wrong with thinking, but I don't like thinking to deeply into things. Sadly, I can't help it. Whenever I'm left alone, I start to think about random issues and think deeper. For the past few years, my favourite "hot topic" to think about had been about the people around me. I seem to enjoy thinking about their perspective to issues in life and their approach. And then I'll judge whether I like their approach to life. And the final conclusion would be my personal understanding about that person and scolding myself internally for judging others. However, the hard reality that always hits me whenever I start to think in-depth about issues is that life is complicated.
"Life is complicated". The words of many people who simply accept the drama of their lives, full of backstabbing, pain, exhaustion. Okay, maybe that was exaggerated but you get the point. I understand that at times, things may get complicated, but the past me (2 years ago) have firmly believed that it is always people who made life complicated. If your girlfriend cheated on you and you're upset, just break up with her and get over it. To me, it was that simple. "But we have been dating for 7 months!", "I love her very much!", "I've never had sex with her!". Okay, ignore that last part. If you can't let her go, then forgive her and move on. "But.. I can't forgive, she's such a banana!" [Note, banana was a replacement for something more offensive. Sorry to all banana lovers.].
THEN? THEN WHAT YOU WANT TO DO? KILL YOURSELF?
Indecisive people are one of my biggest pet peeves all time. And why do you think they can't decide? The only explanation I can think of is that they think too much. And once again, that brings me back to my topic, the never resting machine.
Russell Peter (I'm not sure whether I spelt his name correctly) made a joke about women. The main message that he was trying to put across was that women cannot stop thinking. There is not even one moment that they can just stare blankly into space and think about nothing. He said that man could stare blank into space and think about nothing for 10 to 15 minutes and he made it sound incredible. However, I have now realised that it is rather incredible to not think about anything for even 5 minutes. Whenever I'm given time to be alone, I start thinking. Whenever I'm with friends, my brain works to think of witty remarks and mean but humorous comments. And whenever I'm alone, my brain would start thinking in-depth about random issues.
Sometimes, it is better to stay in the past and wish we never grew up.
I admire the past me, who was even though juvenile, childish and retarded (yes, you don't see me critiquing myself often. Savour the moment.). I admire my free-spirited and simple outlook to life. Yes, 2 years ago, I was extremely rebellious, I couldn't see the efforts of my mother and often had fights with her. It was also a rather terrible period of time but I can't help but sigh at how I've progressed. I was no longer that girl that doesn't give a damn about many things. I think I wasn't afraid to offend people and expressed my opinions of them straight in their faces, not caring whether our relationship would turn sour. Perhaps now, I still do that to some people around me but I dare say that I'm no longer that straight-forward.
I used to be so clear cut about my approach to life. But now? I'm faced with situations that I cannot decide what is the better choice. The only thing I can do is to sit by and wait.
I digress a lot.
But you get the point why I titled my blog post "the never ending machine".
I'm glad that I've started this blog. It is a place where I can really say whatever I want and my thoughts about issues. It is a place where I can open whatever I'm thinking publicly. It does feel better to let it out, rather than internally sighing about life. This blog could capture my thoughts now and that the future can look back at this, and then perhaps reflect on her progress in life.
And in case, you're wondering about the URL of my blog, why is it titled "eclipse". Eclipse is a short period of time where the sunlight is blocked from the moon, right? This blog would showcase that. I'm random and crazy and I enjoy laughter. But I don't fart sunshine out of my ass all the time, and perhaps it's time to show to the people around me a little bit about me. I believe many of them, even my best friend, no, ESPECIALLY my best friend aren't aware of how much this serious side takes up of me. Basically, people may mistake me as 80% crazily happy and 20% emo girl. I do want to be like that, but it is tiring to be happy all the time as well. Since primary school, I have put up enough facades to people to finally understand that it's okay to be emo. I'm guessing the current me is 60% crazy and 40% emo. Perhaps I don't showcase that 40% often, it's rather personal and it makes conversation between others depressing, hence the misunderstanding of my personality.
Maybe it's time to reveal a little bit of that 40% here. And like I've mentioned before, it's nice to write out your personal thoughts somewhere.
I welcome opinions about my perspective. I'll be blogging about rather controversial issues and I'm interested to know about your opinions. You can leave a comment on the blog post or send a email to me at faithful_lonelygal@hotmail.com. I prefer if you don't discuss it with me through face to face interaction or through whatsapp/text messages. I'd like my serious side to be confined into the computer, and not to spread it to my precious iPhone which I spend all of my time with. Maybe I should start giving it a name.
Okay, I'll end my long blog post here.
- Thatcrazygail
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